10 Signs Your Aging Parent Needs More Help at Home (Twin Cities Guide)

10 Signs Your Aging Parent Needs More Help at Home (a Twin Cities Guide)

It usually starts small.

You stop by Mom's on a Sunday. The flower beds from this summer need attention. Inside, mail is piled on the counter. There's a hot dish in the fridge that's been there since… well, nobody's sure.

Or Dad, whose garage is always in impeccable condition, looks a little...messy.

You tell yourself it's nothing. Everybody gets a little behind.

But that quiet little voice in the back of your head? It's worth listening to.

I've been helping Twin Cities families through these moments for years. Here's what I've learned to watch for, and what you can do about it.

They tell you, in their own way.

"This house is a lot." "I don't know what to do with all this stuff." "Maybe someday we should think about taking a look at that new senior building on the corner."

That's often an opening. Don't let it slide by.

The mail is piling up.

Unopened bills. Late notices. Stacks of "I'll get to it" envelopes on the kitchen table.

This is one of the earliest signs. Sometimes it's eyesight. Sometimes it's memory. Sometimes it's just plain overwhelm.

Either way, it's worth a gentle look.

The house looks different than it used to.

Mom's flower beds have always been impeccably kept. Weeds didn't stand a chance on her watch. Now, things look overgrown and a few months behind.

A change in how the home is kept usually means the work has gotten harder, not that they've stopped caring.

They've stopped going places they used to never miss.

No more coffee with the church group. No more card club. Skipping the grandkids' hockey games.

Sometimes it's driving. Sometimes it's stairs, or being nervous about falling on the ice. Minnesota winters are no joke when you're 80.

Isolation sneaks up quietly, and it's one of the biggest risks for older adults.

Stairs have become a problem.

If Mom is sleeping on the couch because the bedroom is upstairs, that's a sign.

If Dad does laundry "when he has to" because it's in the basement, that's a sign too.

The house that worked beautifully for 40 years may not be working anymore.

Small repairs aren't getting done.

A burned-out light bulb in the hallway. A loose railing. A gutter that's been hanging for a season.

These are often tasks your parent can't safely do anymore, but doesn't want to ask for help with.

They seem more tired, forgetful, or down.

Repeating stories. Missing appointments. Seeming a little flat.

You know your parent. If something feels off, trust that.

There are changes in how they look.

Weight loss, wearing the same clothes, skipping haircuts.

What to do if you're seeing the signs your parent needs help

First, take a breath. Seeing a few of these doesn't mean you need to move Mom next week.

It means it's time to start the conversation, and to start it before there's a crisis. Waiting for a fall or a hospital stay is when families lose their choices.

Here are a few good first steps:

• Talk with your siblings. Get on the same page before you talk with your parent.

• Visit with fresh eyes. Walk through the house as a guest would. Notice what's changed.

• Ask questions instead of giving answers. "How are the stairs feeling these days?" goes a lot further than "You need to move."

• Know your options. Help at home, home modifications, a smaller place, or senior living. There's more than one right answer.

• Call the Minnesota Senior LinkAge Line at 1-800-333-2433. It's a free state service that connects families with local help.

• Visit ageinplace.org. The National Aging in Place Council has practical guides and connects you with vetted local professionals who help older adults stay safely and comfortably at home. I'm proud to chair the NAIPC® Twin Cities Chapter, so if you need a trusted local name, just ask.

You don't have to figure this out alone

Every family I work with in the Twin Cities feels some version of the same thing: Where do we even start?

That's what I'm here for. I'm a Senior Home Coach, and my job isn't to push anyone out of their home. It's to help you understand the options, so your parent can make a decision with dignity and on their own timeline.

Sometimes that means staying put with the right help. Sometimes it means a smaller, easier home. Either way, you'll have a plan.

If you're seeing some of these signs and don't know what's next, let's talk.

Call or text me at320.250.1848 or visit pathwaytopurposemn.com.

Kristi Nemec
Senior Home Coach | Pathway to Purpose